Laugh As The Sun

I get so nervous when the spirits hide
I can’t wait until that bright light shines, yeah
Never did run, never did hide,
Waitin’ to see your bright light shine.
We’ll wait ‘til the mornin’ comes,
We’ll laugh as the sun.
Bright and loud, ha, ha, ha!

Yes we’ll laugh as the sun,
Laugh as the sun,
And we’re gonna laugh as the sun,
Laugh as the sun

- "Laugh As The Sun", Rusted Root

Yay! Finally, I have a plan! I have been offered a job as Development Assistant at Sea Shepherd! Everything worked out perfectly, and now it seemed perfectly ridiculous that I would have worried at all. Who, me? Worry? Nooo….never.

The interview was awesome, beginning with a beautiful flight where the  only thing visible above the clouds was the always stunning Olympic Mountains. Friday Harbor was gray, foggy, and a bit chilly when I arrived, but it quickly burned off and turned into a perfect blue sky. My new boss, Michael, picked me up in a dusty Astrovan that he explained is the company van used to haul around the nine dogs that come to the office with their owners every day. Nine dogs?? Awesome! Make that ten, I told him.

The offices are located on eight wooded acres that are fenced in. We drove in and were instantly surrounded by a mob of dogs – small dogs, humongous dogs, deaf dogs, old dogs. Luckily, as I had treats in my hand, they were all also very friendly dogs. After a quick tour of the property, which also includes the founder’s home, office, and a trailer used for new staff members to stay in while looking for housing, we went to the main offices. Inside about six staff members are working, laughing, eating Boca burgers, and fighting to save marine wildlife. Hot damn! I just stumbled upon my own little slice of heaven.                                                                                          

The interview itself was very informal, mostly just chatting with Michael and learning more about Sea Shepherd. They need someone who likes to do graphic design to work on their newsletter, and I happily volunteered myself for that job. Mostly I will be assisting Michael, the Development Director, in the various fundraising tasks such as researching donors, looking for grants, organizing events, and sending thank you cards. There is also the possibility of going on an expedition with one of the Sea Shepherd vessels. They travel to places like the Artic, the Galapagos Islands, and Australia in order to get in between and disrupt illegal whaling, sealing, or fishing. This is where my photography skills could possibly be used. Awesome!

The job pays about $30,000 per year, which is awesome. It also has medical and dental benefits, which is very awesome. It is my dream job! Yay!

So, in the midst of organizing Raise the Roof (which is on Friday), now I am thinking about wrapping up all of the projects I have been working on over the past two years during the week after this one. Not to mention that I totally spaced the quarterly newsletter and it will now be published a few weeks late – assuming I can get it done next week. Am I worried? Hell no. It will all work out.

I’m starting to look at housing in Friday Harbor. It’s relatively expensive, but I’m sticking to the lower end of things and hopefully I can find something decent. Am I worried? Hell no! It will all work out, and I will be laughing as the sun all the way to my island paradise.

Laugh as the sun,

Bright and loud, ha, ha, ha!

Blowin In The Wind...

                                                                      Labor Day Weekend In Bremerton - September 2006

That's the story of my life right now. Life in poverty takes you wherever the wind may blow. Free entertainment? I'm there. Take me out to dinner? You got it! Nothing to do? Take a walk! New job opportunity? Schedule an interview!

By far the best part of my Labor Day weekend was seeing my dad get married to his girlfriend of four years, Cindy. In an ultra-casual ceremony (see outfits at right) the two got married by Cindy's oldest daughter Rebecca at the very place they met, the high school cafeteria, exactly four years before. How cute is that? To make it even sweeter both of them wrote their own vows. It was perfect. And to make things even better, I now have two younger brothers and a younger sister. Okay, I guess they are technically "step" siblings, but that sounds crappy and I'm not one for technicalities anyways. I have always wanted to be a big sister, I told them each that they can come to me to get out of trouble one time, and one time only. Yay!

  On Saturday I took my new sister Rebecca's senior pictures. Once again, I'm surprised and thrilled about the results. Once again, I wonder why I don't get off my butt and start advertising portrait services and make some money. There is an opportunity to photograph an upcoming wedding that I am hesitant to take. Weddings...so much pressure. It's a once in a lifetime event, and I just don't think I have the equipment to properly capture the moment. Plus, people pay a lot and they expect some quality shots. I need a fill flash!

In other weekend news, I walked Kaya to the Blackberry Festival. She almost didn't make it, the heat zapped her and she laid down three-fourths of the way there and refused to get up. Luckily after much rest and cajoling she walked the last few blocks, because once we got there water for dogs was abundant. She loved getting adored by *literally* hundreds of people, and walked through packed crowds very well. I ran into a zillion neighbors, some friends, and my dad and Cindy, who kindly bought me a fruit smoothie from Coldstone Creamery. Yay for small town festivals!

The job hunt is as frustrating, exciting, nerve racking, and stressful as ever. While waiting to hear back from the job at Pratt Fine Arts Center in Seattle, I scheduled an interview with the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society. The organization is located in Friday Harbor on the San Juan Islands! A job in a town that is a vacation destination? Hippies, orcas, and hiking, oh my!! Yes, this  job sounds like a dream come true, so I quickly scheduled an interview in Seattle. A few hours later I recieved a call asking if I would like to fly to Friday Harbor for the interview instead. Would I like to take a free ride in a sea plane to an interview with an environmental/animal rights direct action organization?? Hell yes!!! Doing a happy dance won't even cut it. I'm having a happy seizure right now. Meanwhile, Habitat waits for a reply from their job offer. I'm under a little pressure here people!!

Regardless, my happy ass is flying to the San Juan Islands on Friday, and I'm thrilled. What isn't thrilling is the backlog at work that has resulted from two things: 1, my terrible procrastination and 2, taking so many days off for interviews and doggy medical care. Raise the Roof, a dinner and auction with about 250 attendees is next Friday and the pressure to finish up the auction, track down RSVP lists, organize volunteers, direct the caterer, and make sure I have rented 300 black linen napkins is enough to make my head spin. Add to that some very large grant applications that I, of course, waited until the last minute to start and then it becomes understandable why I am here, at work, on Labor Day.

 Add to all of this questions regarding living situations, budgets, relationships crises, extreme poverty, where to find some cheap toilet paper, and what the heck to make for dinner, and Wendy needs some serious sleep. Instead I think I am going to go splurge on a new edition of Bust magazine, go home, and cuddle with my puppy. And perhaps continue with the happy dances.

One last note: rediscovering music from a time in your past can be so amazing. I recently remembered that in college I loved Rusted Root, so I tracked down some of their albums to listen to. Hot damn! My poor neighbors, the windows are rattling and the dog is hiding behind the chair, but I don't care. It's awesome music!

Currently Listening Rusted Root By Rusted Root see related

Looking Way Up To The Sky

                                 Memories Of An Uncertain Future - Yuri Martinez

I don’t feel the suns comin out today
Its staying in, its gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery, I don’t
Think Ill ever see the sun from here.
And oh as I fade away,
They’ll all look at me and say, and they’ll say,
Hey look at him! Ill never live that way.
But that’s okay
They’re just afraid to change.
When you feel your life aint worth living
You’ve got to stand up and
Take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin its time to die.
And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
Some ways will work and other ways well play.
But I know we all cant stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today.
And then they’ll paint it
And oh as I fade away,
They’ll all look at me and they’ll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.

 - Blind Melon

I have the distinct feeling that everything in my life is up in the air right now. I cant even begin to put into words everything that has happened, could happen, should happen, or that I want to happen.

I don't think I will even try right now.

Trying To Live In The Present Tense

                                              "Abstracted Consciousness" by Roswita Szyszka

Good Things This Week:

1. My dad and his girlfriend make the best blackberry cobbler in the world – this morning I was lucky enough to have a freshly baked batch brought to my doorstep. Hello breakfast!
2. I have a job interview in Seattle on Wednesday at the Pratt Center for Fine Arts. In the perfect world, they will hire me on the spot. Keep your fingers crossed.
3. Kaya’s skin situation is improving quickly. Yay for the new vet!
4. Perfect weather – it’s sunny and clear but not too hot.
5. I got a ton of housework done this weekend, including mopping the floors.
6. I’m doing much better at my goal of being more social, I went out to a bar this weekend with friends, actually danced (on the dance floor, not the bar, teehee!), drank too much, and passed out on a friends couch.
7. Used a gift certificate to get a really cute new shirt at Old Navy.

Bad Things This Week:

1. Chris was unable to come home last week, and I miss him incredibly bad but he is making some awesome progress at his new job. He’s a damn hard worker and he makes me so proud. J
2. This weekend I missed the entry date for the Kitsap County fair, making it official that another year has passed and I have not accomplished this goal. At least I’m getting started on next year’s resolution list early.  
3. Good old procrastination is just about to rear up and bite me on the ass. Raise the Roof event is in one month and one day. Must get crackin!
4. Kaya is possibly showing symptoms of a new and different health problem. I fear that even mentioning it will make it worse. Stay positive, little doggie, stay positive.

Well hot damn, look at that, there is more good than bad this week. I have become mildly obsessed (who, me??) with searching the internet for new jobs and new apartments/houses. In many ways I feel like I have mentally moved on from my current job, and I’m just here going through the motions every day. It’s a conscious struggle to not let myself get consumed by this feeling, and unfortunately I know that I am failing the struggle.

Having made the decision to leave Americorps early (if and when it is possible to do so), I feel much better and more assured of the future. Now if I can just get through waiting for the future to hurry up and arrive.

You Gotta Know When To Hold Them....

Good things this week:

1. Chris is coming home soon!
2. Phone interview with the job at the ACLU in San Francisco went very well. Keeping my fingers crossed for a second interview…
3. Set up an interview at the Pratt Center for Fine Arts in Seattle next week, looks like a great job and it sounds like a fun place to work!
4. My dad and his girlfriend swooped in to save the day this weekend, plus they even gave Kaya a bag of rawhide bones. We’re both very happy. J
5. Had Thai food with my momma at the new restaurant downtown, yay for supporting new local businesses!
6. Just turned in a grant application for $200,000 - one month early. Woohooo!

Bad things this week:

1. Kaya’s skin situation was getting better, but I think it’s started to spread and get worse. She has another vet appointment on Thursday, this time with a new veterinarian.
2. My motivation level at work is close to zero. I’m maintaining and getting the basic work done, but I’m certainly not putting any effort or thought into it.
3. Had a near financial disaster this weekend, but I managed to keep my head on straight, and rather than crying and freaking out I calmly called on my friends and family and they helped me through. (Thanks again Dad!)
4. Self-discipline in terms of nutrition, finances, drinking, and nearly all other activities has hit an all-time low. If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to walk the dog at least twice a day I would have absolutely no discipline or structure in my life.

Well, it’s a mix of good and bad this week. I think number four on the list of bad things just about sums it up: something has happened to my self-discipline lately. This sucks because I have spent myself into a hole, let my car nearly run out of gas, and was forced to ask my dad for help. On the other hand, it doesn’t suck because I had fun spending it. Sometimes creature comforts are all you can count on to get you through the day, and so if I spend a few bucks on candy, I’ll just chalk it up to maintaining my mental health. (Plus it’s not like there wasn’t some medical bills, vet bills, groceries, and other necessary costs also.) I do promise, however, to do everything in my power to not let that happen again.

Thinking Too Much - August 2006

And all of this comes at an interesting time, considering that I am in such a quandary about my current job situation. In fact, this pretty much solves the problem all together. I do not believe that I can continue to live at this wage, so it is confirmed, I will put in my two weeks notice as soon as I get a new job.

Goodbye five thousand dollar educational award. It would have been nice to know you! Hello big paycheck, I cannot wait to meet you!